are you serious?!! c'mon dude!

Here the past couple of weeks, I have really been getting aggrevated at people. Not the type of aggrevation when someone constantly taps there foot during a test or clicking their pen during church but the type of aggrevation when someone constantly complains about their life when they claim to be christians. I don't know if it's just me or not but this is a let down to Christ. He created you & your world. For example: you go to an art show and look at all the beautiful paintings and then afterwards you complain to your friends about how some of them were painted and how ugly they look. For one, you have no write to complain about the way the picture was painting when you don't know the reason behand it. A painter paints from within, with emotion! Secondly, you will hurt the artist by saying their masterpiece isn't pretty or they didn't use all the right colors. FOR ONCE, look beyond ...look into! Think about the fact that although it may not be what you expected or the colors you wanted, it's still a creation and it's still beautiful and the artist was still Committed to it!!

Though your life may not be the way you wanted it to look or expected it to turn out, the artist still created it with His whole heart and to Him it's beautiful!!! You can make a positive impact by thinking positive and praising the Artist for His masterpiece!!! Stop complaining about how it's all being played out and start praising Him because He's still working on His creation!!! No artist gives up their painting or masterpiece. They spend every second creating what they feel in their heart until they feel every once of heart went into it! God's the same way. He's not going to paint your life and decide to move on to another one until He know's every once of Himself has went into it!!! Keep up the faith and thank the Creator for not giving up on your life!!! If you do that, you'll begin to see a different picture. What you thought was ugly and dull, will start to look beautiful and brilliant!

I have learned to stop complaining because it gets you no where. People don't want to be around people who hate their lives or constantly complain about their lives. How are we as christians going to win others to christ when WE complain about this christian life we live?? You seriously think they will want that??!! umm....no!!!! There not going to want something ugly when what they've got already looks just as good. Would someone want to buy a new couch that looked the same as the one they have already had?? NO, they want something that will top what they already have; something more colorful & brighter...CLEAN!!! Are you living a clean life?? or do you need to do some dusty and spring cleaning???

Junior Year : 3 years coming....

School is in session, AGAIN!!! && boy have my plans changed. For the most part they have changed in a very positive way but then again they seem discouraging at the same time. Most of you that know me or have met me in the past 4 or 5 years know that my major plan for college was Speech Pathology & that i was planning to attend Alabama A&M starting this Fall*2009.

After graduation from NACC in May*2009, those plans were still in progress. Several visits to A&M seemed almost impossible but i thought deep down that if it was God's plan, then all of the visits would fall into place and i would find everything out that i would need to. Finally, the day of registration, my plans seemed to fall & crash down into a thick huge pile all around me!! WHY!!? I find out that my major was going to take 5 more years after already having 2 years of college && other information that did not help matters. I knew at that point, God did not allow this to work out for a reason. A reason i was not sure of but you just know when God wants something to happen & when He doesn't.

So after a few weeks of praying, I felt the pull to go back to northeast. After meeting several of my advisors from northeast & my sponsors thru scholarships, I decided that my best choice would be to attend northeast until i knew what God wanted me to do. With that, I registered for northeast knowing either i would go into Nursing or Special education. Though nursing sounded the best to me, I ended up choosing Special Education.

Helping others has always been a passion of mine. No matter how big or small the situation, i have always went into the situtaion knowing that GOd was on my side no matter what. I went into situations regarding others the same way. I knew that with God on my side, I could help others accomplish their dreams! Well dreams start with a good education & good loving. That is what i strive to show my students (kids) everyday...the love from me which comes from none other than Jesus Christ Himself && a great education. Thru educating younger kids, K-2, I will be able to further my dream that i've had as a little girl...to help those that no one else will reach out too; those that need that extra love & patience.

God has prepared me for this position ever since i was a little blonde long-haired big green eyed girl with only hopes & dreams of a bright future. I knew nothing about heart ache or pain except from a bruised knee or scraped elbow from which i had gotten from playing to rough with my little brother. Now as a short blonde haired ( blonde that seems to be getting darker by day) one green one brown eyed young lady with hope from her Savior that sometimes is hard to find & dreams of peace & love that she can show those around her, the heart aches i've found, have only led me closer & more passionate to Christ. These hurts will allow me to cope with those hurting around me. Those that might one day be sitting in front of me as a little child with big hopes & dreams but no heart aches or then those that might be sitting in the very back of the classroom whom as a little child, has already experince pain that which i have experienced as an adult. I only pray now that God gives me the correct word to speak into those little lives that are so very precious to Him. Lives that will one day grow up just like me & will look back at their dreams and be able to say, " I have lived my dreams!"

It will be such an amazing feeling to know, my God cared so much about my dreams that He allowed me to help build someone elses!! I can not wait to teach my first lesson, give my first speech, laugh at my first class clown, & smile my first bigg smile knowing God knew a long time ago that a long blonde haired, big green eyed little girl would be sitting in front of special needs children sharing her heart with them & impacting their dreams. =))

With Love & Peace from God, Kc

potatoes with warts & latex gloves...that's what my summer was made of.

what a summer it has been spending 4 whole weeks in a potato shed or should i say "tater" shed...gosh that word. i can not stand to hear it! i must say though, i made a little over 1200 $$ in those 4 weeks which help pay for my braces, car repairs, & vacation. ohh && school books! Never thought sorting potatoes would bless me but it did..praise God! I could see GOD kind of laughing at me while i was saying little prays thru the day while grading potatoes....."God, please don't let me catch these nasty warts from these ""TATERS"!" "God, I love you but why so many potatoes!" "God, i know you created everything in Your image but what was you thinking when you created these!!" =) yeah i know your probably thinking i should be ashamed for praying those things but the way i see it...i was just talking to God & trying to get Him to explain His reason behind potatoes!

Spending 6 days a week & working 8-10 hours a day grading potatoes, isn't as fun as it sounds. I know i just burst someone's bubble but i aint gonna lie...it's pretty much boring! Just a fun fact, week 2 of potatoes around about 2:00 pm, i fell asleep WITH my eyes OPEN while working on the grader!!! Just try to picture that....it's funny looking back now but at the moment, i freaked out!! I started thinking about all the bad things that could have happened. My latex gloves stuck between the grader....losing a hand & then the baggers checking potatoes & finding a hand!! or letting all those wart-ty potatoes thru that should have been trashed & some little lady open her potato bag & find them & think she'll catch some type of STD from them!! i mean, it's risky busy, grading potatoes! Potato graders are to thank for potato chips & tots!!!
i've never fell asleep with my eyes open before btw!

So, with my 1st pay check i bought a mp3 player!! This would help me stay awake so i didn't have to worry about any old ladies or body parts && it would keep my mind concentrated on music instead of how many truck loads we had left. Smart thinking i might add & a very smart buy! One of the smartest i've made!!! Though i did not get every song i wanted on it, it had enough music that i played everything 3x & it pretty much kept me occupied! This is where God comes back into the picture.

A precher once said that everybody should set a goal for themselves to take 1 full day & listen to nothing but praise & worship music. Which meant from the time you got up til the time you went to bed. Every sound needed to be Godly & pure & musical. This would allow the person to realize just how much more peaceful the day is & how much more the distractions flee. I mean, just think about it. I know everyday i hear things i should. I let sounds around me distract my thoughts && i let those thoughts distract my day & my time with God. So, one day during work, i thought...i'm going to listen to nothing but worship ALL DAY! from the time i got up, til the time i went to bed!! Now I'm not perfect so there were times when i had to take the earphones out because i was on the job & had a position that had to pay close attention to any mess ups & announce them to the other graders.

Anyways, that morning started off normal. The music seemed to help keep me awake but that was about all. Nothing else was happening...spiritually. All the music was doing was playing, i wasn't allowing my spiritually ears to listen & let it speak so i said a small prayer & begin to soak up some worhsip. I begin to catch myself dancing....swaying from side to side like those black gospel choirs do. How they snap, clap, nod, stomp & shake...that was me! In my pj's practically...with blue latex gloves on, sorting potatoes. (another funny image) I noticed people pointing fingers & such & to tell you the truth, I was wondering what was going on. I didn't know if something was wrong with the potatoes or what but not for once did i think it was because of me.

As i continued to drown out the world & just listen to the messages spoken thru music, i felt tears flow down my cheeks. God began speaking thru me in His heavenly language & it felt amazing! I began praying over the potatoes...no lie! That day had been rough & the potatoes weren't passing so we were losing loads of money & not gaining any orders. As i began praying for the potatoes, God started just talking to me.

See, i had really been struggling with the fact that I hadn't been hearing from God. Yes, I had been spoken to thru preachers & Pastors but not thru my own self. & that bothered me. I've always been one to sit alone in my room & just talk to God but lately He just didn't seem to be talking back. BUT that day He spoke & it was some of the Sweetest words i've ever heard.
The song was playing "always" by Hillsong United & it says "All You are is all i want, ALWAYS, draw me close, In Your Arms, Oh, GOD, i want to be with You!" well i was saying as a prayer to Him when He spoke & said listen to those words from Jesus' point of view. & let me tell you...i felt that Gospel gangsta rise up in me. If there would have been some pew's in that shed, I would have ran them!!!! I began to realize that sometimes we get to wrapped up in us wanting HIM to hold us & love us & how bad we want to be with him but what He wants us to realize is HE wants the same. JESUS wants us to love on him & be with us ALWAYS. & that's why i hadn't heard anything. i was so caught up in the noise of myself that i couldn't hear Him whispering ,"ALL YOU ARE, IS ALL I WANT, ALWAYS!!"

GOD wants ALL OF US just like we want more of Him! & sometimes we've gotta shut up & let Him talk to us. He wants to be with us just as bad as we want to be with Him!! Although it took me grading potatoes to hear from God, i'm glad He did!! It was the right moment & time. I must admit, that whole day of nothing but worship going into my ears, was one of the best days i've had! It allowed me to meditate on Him but always it allowed the noise of myself to drown out so i only heard what He was trying to speak. So i challenge you, take a day & just let the noise be worship! You'd be surprised at what you hear!! Most of our lives are busy & loud & we have family that fuss & friends that fight but if you can't hear that noise, If your thoughts can't since that distraction....then it's able to focus on what it does hear....worship!!

Peace & Love, Kc

&& you think your not pretty?!

My summer has mainly consisted of church activities which for me...is amazing!! This is the 1st summer i have had in a long time that i got to actually "fully" dedicate to my church & my God. It's always been hard for me to just let go & let God deal with me during the summer...this meaning, that if He wanted me to go speak at this church or help with this activity, i could do it! I am a very busy person & i get involved with a whole lot of different things during the summer. So anyways, this summer i got to do a lot more stuff within the church & Jesus! =) My activities included:

1)a little over 2 weeks @ COG(church of my God) youth camps.

2)4 weeks of potato shed: i know you are thinking, "what does this have to do with God?" well you'll see! =)

3)8 days of gulf shores

4)church involvement

okay. there's my summer compiled into 4. instead of writing a whole blog on all 4, i am going to do a blog for each cause there's a lot to write about. Here goes #1........COG Youth Camp!

Every since i was 9, I have been very fortunate enough to attend Church of God Youth Camp. Over the 11 years ( cause i'm 20 now) , i have only missed 1 year. Church Camp has had one of the biggest impacts on my life!! Just to give you a little insight.... @ age 11 i was filled with the holy spirit. This happened @ the 11-12 yr old youth camp. I remember the night so well!! my counselor had to carry me to the cabin because i was so heavy in the spirit, i was unable to walk! I remember laying on my bed in the cabin just speaking in His heavenly language. =) such a great experience & just a beginning for me! @ Senior week of camp- summer after my junior year, God spoke to me about a relationship i was in & let me know that in order for me to carry out the plans He had for me, I had to let go of that relationship. So that I did. 2 weeks later, I met a guy at camp while working on staff. By meeting this guy & dating him, My dad got to know his pastor & was offered a job at his church. From that & accepting the church, i was pulled out of my senior year. Yeah.... God knew this was all going to happen & it all started with me listening to Him. So i moved in the middle of my senior year. This is really a long story & i wish i could fill you in but this isn't what i want to blog on this exact blog. I just need to allow you to see the importance camp has had on me. Three summers ago at camp, a minister pulled me aside and spoke to me about a word God had for me. He said that God was going to use me to minister to girls. These girls were going to be a particular area of girls that only i could minister too. HE said that my past would allow me to know the information & words needed to speak to these girls so that i could win them to Christ. SO NOW MY BLOG BEGINS!

This year @ church....that WORD from God came into play. Yes! Three years later, the ministry to some girls came into action.

The 2nd week of camp i worked as a counselor for 13-14 yr. old girls. This has always been my favorite week! But just to be honest, this was my hardest week ever this year!

My cabin consisted of 10 girls. All whom i was responsible for the whole week. This meant, i made sure they bathed, ate, brush their teeith, ect. you get the picture. Well, my cabin has always been easy & i've always known almost every one of the girls in my cabin. This year though was different & i knew the week before something was going to take place.

For several weeks before, God had really been dealing with me. I just prayed & allowed Him to prepare me mentally & spiritually for what ever was headed my way. Well when this particular week took place, i begin to realize exactly what i was instore for. Out of 10 girls, i had 4 that i knew. The rest were girls i had never even laid eyes on. 1 girl had a mental disability which was brought to my attention on day 1 but i begin to realize some other things. One of my girls had some stress situations which had caused her to lose all of her hair therefore causing her to wear a wig. As the week went on, almost 8 out of the 10 girls were on their period & hadn't brought anything to camp with them!!! are you kiddding me...no i am not kidding!!! With this situation alone...i was ready to pull my hair out!!! THese girls had no idea how to stay clean so you can only imagine!!

Then on day 3, i was approached by Sis. J about having another girl enter my cabin who was not fitting in well with the other cabin she had been placed in. So, although it had been a rough time in my cabin with the 9 girls i already had, for some reason i just agreed yes & she was moved into my cabin. Then, my heart was prepared for what i begin to find out.

This girl who had been moved into my cabin had some issues. She had not eaten all week & all she'd wear the whole week was jeans & sweat shirts. FYI, camp temps. are like atleast 90 so sweatshirts & jeans .....NO sir!! No way!! So, i later find out that there were problems at home. This little 13 year old girl had never been called pretty by anyone. She ate every meal given at home, in her room & if anyone came into her room, she no longer ate. She never ate at school because she didn't like eating in front of people. She said they stared at her. Going to the bathroom alone ...she couldn't do it. She had to have someone walk with her. I later came to find out some other issues that i will not post but let me just sum it up & say it all led to an eating disorder & LOW LOW self-esteem!!

So day 4 or my camp trip & day 2 with this girl....i took my hour of free time to just talk to God. I was physically & mentally broke down. I had no idea what to do with all that i had on my plate. I not only had this girl but 1 more girl with an eating disorder, one with stress issues, another who needed attention also & just ONE kaci!! umm yeah i was thinking, God why me?!! then out of no where, HE replyed....Three years of preparation...this is was I had instore for you when i spoke to you about ministering to Girls! THis is it. the time is NOW!!

I just cried. I laid on my bunk & cried my eyes out. Yeah i'm sure all the other counselors probably thought i was dying haha but i was just overwelmed by God & so ahhhhh!!! =) i just laid there in His presence.

That day God began giving me words to speak to this broken girl. Things from my past I had forgotten about that turned out....i had kinda been in this girls shoes. I knew how it felt to feel like you were good enough....i had let a guy make me feel that way at her exact age which had turned into a similar eating disorder. It was not as drastic as her's but it was similar. I never ate at school & if i did it was a pack of crackers & a water & once i got home, I didn 't eat much at all. So i opened up to this little girl & told her that there was only 1 MAN in this world who could make us feel like we ARE good enough. That We are MORE than Good enough. & that is GOD!! I explained to her that HE fashioned her & created her with His on sweat & tears. That He painted her eyes & colored her hair & knew every detail about her because He designed her!! As tears filled her eyes, I began to see some brokeness. I saw some walls crumble a little at a time.

She began to ask question about how i overcome & how i felt so beautiful. i was honest....very honest & explained that it took me to realize God was the only man who would NEVER let me down & NEVER make me feel ugly. I told her that no guy is perfect & no one is perfect. But that she needed to find her beauty in Christ first before she looked to be beautiful in a guy's eyes. I told her everyday i woke up & told myself i was beautiful because i was created by a beautiful designer who fashioned this whole gorgeous portrait which we call earth. I explained that there are times when i don't feel beautiful ...a lot of times...but i remember the God who loves me so much that He took all the hurt i had & have went thru & sculpted into some beautiful that i can look at now & what I see is His masterpiece!!!!

I finally got her to eat after 3 days of no food. I had to count to 3 for every bite she took but it didn't matter to me...i saw a growth & change in her! THat night she took a bath & we got different clothes on her....this meant no more sweatshirt!!! =) woohoo!!! Some ladies did her make up & fixed her hair...you could tell she felt like she really was pretty!

This young lady was a true inspiration to me. She made me realize that i was capable of carrying out what God had placed on my heart. i look back at that week & think how tough it was & how tired & homesick i got. BUt i remember the last night when that girl looked me in the eyes and said thank you!!!! WOW...brings me to tears even now. that thank you didn't mean..woohoo kaci you did it!! it meant woohoo God we did it!! She's Yours!!! She understands that she was created by YOU!!!

This girl has been in my thoughts everyday since. I find myself wondering about her & praying she's progressing. THough i found out she went back to wearing the sweatshirt, i still believe God embraced her at camp & she will find Him more & more everyday. & i know that somehow, the words i said to her or the actions i portrayed at camp will stay with her & in her heart & allow her to Let God Love on her!

I pray that God continues to use me in His work. I know from a very young age that He has placed a great deal of ministry in my heart & I hope to carry it out like He would have me too.

During the same week, they had a prayer line for youth pastors. Yeah i know I am not a youth pastor right now but i know God has designed that ministry for me to be a part of. So i waited to go in line but God pretty much kicked me in the tail to go up there so i did. & once i did...WOah! He kicked HIs presence up a notch!! THe speaker spoke 2 words other than "God told me to tell you to..." && i was out....he said" STOP DOUBTING" i felt God's arms just wrap me tight as he could hold....then he said about of other stuff about letting go of what other's have said & just do what i know to do. DOUBT has been my biggest enemy for a while. it's a weakness of mine. I allow satan & his little pack to get in my head & make me doubt myself. I have always doubted for as long as i remember. It's something i strive to conquer everyday & i do my best at beating it!!!

So laying in the floor....different situations began playing in my mind. God just began pouring His peace all over me. it was kinda like pouring caramel on ice cream. How it's so thick & as it touches the ice cream it begins to harden so you pour more & more because it doesn't seem like it's enough & then when your done, all the caramel is settled around the bowl & it's super thick & gets all over the place when you try to eat it! maybe that made sense lol but anyways i was the ice cream & God was the caramel...& He just settled around me with His thick presence & i just melted around Him in the warmth of it all!!!! I had not felt such compassion in a while!!!!

I've never been a mean person nor one who lashes out on people when they hurt me. I've just always bottled it up & then after a while it'd eat @ me so i'd go home & cry it out. I'm a people pleaser & like to just see everyone happy even if it means hurting myself. Well all the hurt i've held on to for the past couple of years all started boiling to the top that night. All the situations that had caused me doubt... or really people that had cause doubt into my life seemed to come to the top.

Although i let it out that night, there's still some memories of the hurt left. I know people say once you lay it at God's feet you should no longer think about it or let it hinder you...well that's easy to say & hard to do. But i'm doing my best to let it all go. & i must say, I think i'm doing a pretty good job at it =)

I just love God so very much!!! my camp experiences mean so much to me!!! i can not wait to let my kids experience it because i want to see Him move in their lives just like He has mine. God's a great dude & people don't give HIm enough credit. They talk all that talk about I can't believe my hips are this big or i wish i was taller or i wish i weighed less...well if they talked more about God being bigger & how small they are in this world because of the Big God & how they weigh less because He weighs more in their life....all that low self esteem would become high praise!!!

Hopefully this made sense in all my jabberish talk. I try to type as fast as my mind works but it's hard. & i could write for days but then you'd get bored. =) so God bless & remember He loves to know You think His creation is beautiful.....which is YOU!!! You are beautiful because a Beautiful Painter designed you!!!

time or no time? NO time!

Yeah well I have had an absolute BUSY summer!! For those of you who care about my blogs you've probably noticed i've not wrote the whole month of june. =( & it seriously saddens me especially since i promised myself i would make time. BUT i am getting back on schedule! Over the next two weeks i hope to update you all on what i've done with my summer. It's been filled with happiness, love, stress, joy, sweat, many tears, victories, & laughter!! i can not wait to tell you about it & i know once i start i won't be able to stop! =) get ready for some reading! hehe Hopefully your summer has been fantastic! I love you all && may God bless you & your family the rest of the summer!

Peace & love! - kc

Encouragement

Definition of encourage: contribute to the progress or growth of; inspire with confidence; give hope.







Psalm 27:14

Wait patiently for the Lord.Be brave and courageous.Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 37:7

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Hosea 12:6

Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top.

These are some scriptures that encourage me to press on & keep running the race! Though this is probably my shortest blog, it has the most words! I love you all!

come rain or shine

So, I haven't wrote anything in the past couple of weeks due to a busy college life. I promised myself after this semester that i would try to blog atleast once a week to give those of you who care about what's going on in KcLAND a better idea....& that I will accomplish after this week! Woohoo! I don't know about you but I'm ready for summer to get here & my official summer break will begin June 5!!! chahhyeahh! Anywho, enough ramble, I just kind of want to share my heart with you a little bit. Listed will be 3 elements that have taken place in my life or just came across my mind, over the past few weeks......

1) Family: the closer i get to graduation ( only 9 days btw) the more i realize, i'm growing up. Yeah i know, kc- ur 20....yeah well so what! i love being a kidd still! I enjoy goofing off with my lil bigg brother & watching disney movies & letting my mom rock me to sleep. My heart has not aged...yes it's matured but i believe the longer we hold onto our childhood & thank God everyday for His greatness & all the things He has blessed us with & have the outlook & innocence like a child....we will be rich in our hearts!!! So I tell my family everyday how much i love them. i don't want to go a day without letting them know just how much they mean to me. it's because of them that i have accomplished 2 years of my education! They have been my support group...my cheerleaders!!

2) Friends: i love them & lately i've realized that they come and go. Kind of sad but it's the truth so I've learned it's easier to just accept it and move on. Though my best friend decided he really didn't want to put forth the efforts in keeping our friendship together anymore, it's actually a good thing. God places the right people at the right time in our lives. Some of those are short term & some are long term. - my best friend was obviously a short term...he did his time & now God has other plans. Yeahh it stinks but I'm okay because I trust in the one who wrote my life, He's never let me down. Already He has placed other people in my life that i've already learned to care about- Whit W, Natalie, Jake, ect. I love my friends & can not wait to make even more when i begin my new life in Huntsvegas!

3) Other Half: JorDan Andrew Taylor...my Pretty amazing boyfriend. He's the giggle in my laugh, the cheese to my smile, and the twinkle in my eye =) haha. Seriously though... he has made my life exciting. For once in my life, I feel like someone truly loves the person I am. I knew when i laid everything down at the Feet of Jesus & pooured out every bit of my heart....God was going to bless me at the right time with someone He had purposed for me. It is a great feeling to look at the person sitting next to you & see straight to their heart.... i love it!!! I love the fact that God loves me so much, He designed this dude with me in mind. It's the best feeling. It's been a fun ride so far & i can not wait to see where God has planned for us to venture too. JorDan is an anointed man of God & I am excited to know i get to be there with him to experience those wonderful things God pours out into his life and he the same for me. It's actually a relief fo know, I can let my heart settle down....make camp lol. A relief to know that I can allow myself to love again....with the pure love that God designed for me to share with someone. A love created in my heart just for JorDan Taylor. Though I am having to learn to express myself better & allow feelings to spill out, it's nice to know that he is there to help me learn. I truly love this man & the God inside him!!!

now....

school is coming to a close and i will be blogging more often. I also want to start sharing my paintings & drawings on here too so i will be working on getting all of that together. With many plans this summer & a new school experience started August, I will be adding another blog just for my personal space. this blog will be consisting mainly of my ministry & Jesus Jingles =) Thank you all for reading & wanting to look into my life. I hope you see my heart after God. I love you all & will be posting new things starting this friday!

Peace & love...kc ashton

Psalm 119

it's 3:00 in the morning & i'm wide awake in the Word. For the past couple of weeks, God has really pushed me into His Word. I find myself in it & late hours of the night, bright & early in the morning & even during school/work. of course, i love it! it feels great to hear from God. So, one thing that has really bothered me the past month was a statement made about my worship. Someone said that I hadn't been "worshipping" & stuff of that sort. Well that really stirred my spirit & I started to meditate on the word worship. 1st of all..my worhsip has changed over the years. I went thru a stage of what i called "battle-ready worship" because i was fighting for my family & fighting for my future. it took place when i moved here & went thru out my senior year into my freshmen year of college. some of you may not like the fact that i have named a part of worship that took place in my life && i'm sorry but i see no harm & have actually ministered to people thru it. --well now @ 20, i've noticed i am in a "peaceful worship" stage. sometimes i just feel like standing in God's presence smiling at Him. It's the best feeling to feel God's peace just flow all over you & i feel like that's where i am at right now in my life. I feel like it's a mature process for me to just "silently wait" on the Lord. && with that said, Sunday morning during service a lady came up to me & said the lord wanted to tell me that waiting on Him & seeking Him like i had been doing--He had greater plans for me & I would start to see them. talking about a peace..wow. all i could do was smile as tears flooded my face. For sooooo long, i have been so worried about what my future was going to hold after "Northeast." It truly scared me to death to not know what, where, & how i was going to do about school. Yeah, it was easy to talk about how much i wanted to go here & what i wanted my major to be & what the heart of Jesus inside of me wanted to do....but i had no idea how that would ever happen. When you know God & His calling for you & your life, it's tough knowing your not doing everything in ur power to further His kingdom & prove HIs love & fulfill ur calling. it literally made me sick knowing i was not doing my calling --ministry. God has really picked up my heart though & made me realize that there's a time & place for everything, maybe i can't be a worship leader "right now" & maybe i can't be a youth pastor "right now" & maybe i can't clown "right now" BUt i CAN witness...right now & i CAN show His love....right now... & i can grow closer to Him than ever...right now & i can focus on school...right now. I know without a doubt that this is a HUGE growing transitional part of my life! These situations & such i'm going thru are going to make me a stronger person in Him, & our relationship is going to be UNSTOPPABLE! I'm tired of feeling like i'm being held back. No offense to my past relationships but i felt held back. Something was there in every one that just didn't allow the God inside of me to fully Shine thru. I'm not saying they were bad relationships, cause they weren't, but just something wasn't fully AHHHH like bammm Jesus =] &&& so now i'm pumping up the Jesus inside of me & then He'll pump up the right guy for me && there will be so much of Jesus that he shines thru us both. So i know ur wondering why i called this blog..."Pslam 119" well this chapter really hit me hard. several verses stuck to me & so i want to share them with you. it really speaks my journey ..Right now =] wow ..i like using right now lol. So starting with the first few verses it says (btw, i'm reading out of the message.)

1) You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow His directions, doing your best to find Him.-----wow, made me feel incredible b/c i am doing the best i can to seek his face. Just like the lady spoke to me.

9)How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word.
10) i'm single-minded in pursuit of you; don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.---- my mind is focused on nothing more than God && His wordd.

30)I choose the road to somewhere, i post your road signs at every curve & corner.
31)I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don't let me down!
32) I'll run the course you lat out for me if you'll just show me how. ---this is my daily prayer. I've meditated on this mind set. God just show me what you want & i'll do it!

41) Let your love God shape my life.

57)Becase you have satisfied me, God, I promise to do everything you say. ---I get my only satisfaction from God & His love. && i will do Everything to show gratitude. No man alone can satisfy me nor love me without the heart of God himself.

73)with your very own hands you formed me; now breathe your wisdom over me so i can understand you.
74)when they see me waiting, expecting your Word, those who fear you will take heart & be glad.
75) I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right.
76) oh, love me, right now (there's my word) & hold me tight; just the way you promised. ---these were my favorite. I desire everyday to be "like God" in making decisions & such. I want His powerful wisdom. & to do so, I wait on Him && looking now, I see that everything He's thrown at me has made me this awesome woman of God. Like i can't begin to explain how amazing it feels to know 4 years ago when i decided to end it with tyler & not cheer that i would be here in fyffe alabama at northeast. But it taught me just as the verse says. && now i just want to be loved on & held in HIs arms. Just like he promised me 4 years ago. He promised to never leave my side & i can honestly say, He never has && gosh what an amazing feeling. I have no regrets in leaving in the middle of my senior year, or not cheering, having relationships that didn't last forever, or fyffe..none of it because you know why....it made me this mighty woman of God that I am. I have really thought a lot about myself in this time of singleness, just me & the heart of God. I've learned that I do deserve an amazing man of God who is chasing after His heart just like i am. I deserve to be happy with my life "right now!" I'm not trying to bragg but guys, i am truly amazing! seriously i am because God lives in my heart & owns every single piece of it! He makes me the person I am!! it's because of Him that I've learned to love everyone & to see, hear, & talk with "HIS" eyes, ears, & mouth. God is mighty & terrific & i strive everyday to show just a little bit of HOw amazing he really is because if i can just demonstrate a little bit of His greatness...that will PRove a LOAD of His love!!

I will be finishing up Psalm 119 & the verses God has spoken to me thru soon. I want to really look into so until then...Love & be Loved!! God is Love! I love you all!

portrait of His character

so, my hearts been super heavy this week. while searching for female christian artist for my friend, i ran across Lisa Gungor. (if u have no idea who she is..take a listen) Well i've heard of her song "wrap me in Your arms" but the first song to play on her page is called "Canvas." Yeahh... i broke out in tears that streamed freely down my face. Gosh...i felt as if this piece of me that had been locked up just waiting for the right time to reveal itself & burst out & screamed..."SEE!!!" For since i can remember, i was always the kidd who would have rather had a color& coloring books than dolls & barbies. (of course those were awesome too) && I remember coming straight from school && tracing pictures out of my reading books until i had traced every single object in all the books i owned. Gosh...it was just an amazing feeling as a kidd to be good at something not everyone else was good at. && i remember drawing pics for my friends & family...& i grew up around paintin & the arts because of my nanny. (she was sooo cool) i loved sittin in a chair beside her & just watch her paint. it was moments that i truly saw her happy. which were rare because she was a very serious person who showed little emotion. But one of the last times i remember seeing her draw in one of my little notepads was one i will cherish with me forever. It was a picture of her house growing up as a kid. While painting, she told me stories of her childhood & growing up in that house. She said, "though this house no longer exist, it exist in my memories still just the same as if i was sittin here looking at it." =] happiness covered her entire face.

Since that day, she has impacted a great part of my heart. Art has always been a passion of mine. Though i'm not exactly great at it... i know it's buried in my heart just waiting to be dugg up, dusted off, & put to use. Though many people don't take this part of me seiously, i know that it's a part of my life i wish i could pour out more often. There's many times in my life when i've just sat down & let my hand do the work. (no telling what they create) it may look like total mess to you but to me it could me heartache & betrayal or an escape into my past. I guess what i'm tryin to say is that it's a way for me to pour out myself without words. There's things i can say on paper with paint that i can't with my mouth or writing. It's just an "element" that i like to let myself drewl in. it's my happy place i call it. =] though i don't get to do it often because of my busy life as a full time student & part time worker.

So i know ur thinking...where's the point to this..okay okay it's coming. I promise. (my mind is speaking faster than my hands can type & i forget where i last left off lol. Sooooo.......i've always felt that the arts would be my ministry & worship too God. He gave me the talents. It is definitely not something i've worked on to become a pro at. I was born with my abilites. Yes, i get better but i did not just look in a shopping window & say, "hey i would like to have to talent of painting & dancing!" No i didn't say that, God spoke that into my life while He was sculpting my heart. He purposly position my heart to love the art of dancing & movements & the idea behind painting & creations. So it's my job to GIve it back to HIm in worship. Well this is something i've not entirely done my job with. Yes, i have danced thru drama & thru worship BUT the art of painting has not been a ...here God it's yours.

....that's when the song "Canvas" broke me. you'll have to listen to the song inorder to understand how it applies. It talks about how i am a canvas & it's my purpose to let the great artist to paint his masterpiece on me to show his character & nothing else. wow....brings me to tears everytime i think of the words. THe whole week it's been on my heart & i've just let it surround my mind. I have always wanted to paint during worship....like while people sing & things. cause a part of me comes out that doesn't when i'm doing dramas & ect. it's like my spirit is freely at work. to do whatever it feels. thru color or angles or whatever...even splashes if it'd like. && i told myself....kaci that's not something u should do. people will not understand you. & i've let that hold me back from explaining this part of me to people who care. & some that i've told have not taken me serious. But this week...my hearts been shattered & i'm learning new things about my heart & the way it should be. not the way i've made it because of pausing certain growths & shapes it should have become.

So my hearts a beautiful mess right now. learning & letting go. i've stayed up til late hours doing nothing but drawing & sobbing. painting & laughing. dancing & singing. =] it's an amazing feeling & yes ....God loves me for allowing what He designed for me to be great at...love me back let the fragrance of my happiness & honor flow to the heavens.

THanks to a great friend of mine who totally understood my little talk about this. =] Hopefully if any type of anything comes out of this(art) ...it will reach people that singing & drama & preaching can't reach. I hope it sails into there minds & settles into their souls. it will pretray a lover's life. Love of Jesus Christ! I'm just so AHHHH that God is so serious about this. He could have easily just let me brush it off & stick to my preaching/drama ministry & let me think that this was just a hobby i enjoyed but No He knew that He had placed that in my life for a reason...to reach souls!! So maybe years down the road, I will have a art gallery or paint during a worship service & maybe you will witness the God felt worship thru it or just maybe this will touch u in a way that speaks to your heart. Never doubt yourself. That's something i've learned this week. "I can do ALL things thru Christ..." Worship in your own way. It does not have to be like someone else & don't think ur way will be weird because to be honest...we all look a little weird sometimes =] that's okay. God loves it when we just let ourselves be what He had in mind when He was painting us up during our creation.

I love you all && hope i made some sense in this choas!

after ur heart oh God

love...
to love....
to know love....
to know the love....
to know the love of.....
to know the love of Christ....

i don't even know where to begin. it's been a month & 1/2 since the break-up && i can honestly say, it's been one of the most transforming experiences ever! Everyday i wake up knowing a different part of myself. it's like i've been lost into so many things that now that i'm stripped away of the old...my true self is beginning to shine thru. && it's freckn amazing! i can't get enough of the wordd or pray enough. it's a constant now & has been since the day of the break-up. yeah, i know some people do good for a little bit then fade back to the old self but this time is different for me. My heart is truly pursuing Christ to the full extent. i have met & witnessed to more people in this month & 1/2 than my whole entire life as a christian. Glory to God!!! & NO, i am not in a relationship & don't expect to be anytime soon. I promised myself & God that I would not settle nor allow myself to fall until i had fallen directly on my face before Him. Guys, just a hint & advice..no relationship will work to it's full potential until you are fully & totally God's. Not just some of you but ALL! Don't expect to find God thru someone in a relationship. Why would you even wanna do that when you can find Him face to face for yourself!! I thank God for giving me wisdom & knowledge ...& for my new vision of what a relationship is. I recently read "the shack" & let me tell you, it blew my mind. WOW, i now see my relationship with God in brighter sense. I am honestly happy with being single. If it's only me & GOd for the rest of my life, I'm completely happy with that! there's too much going on in my life & that i know i want to see happen before i settle into a relationship but i dont want a relationship... I want a lifetime"ship"....i am so tired of the 1 year relationships that do nothing but take another piece of your heart & it's gone forever. My heart is now broken in God's hands for Him to shape into whatever He pleases. I just wish every single & taken person could realize what God has opened my eyes to. IF you chase after God's heart, He will allow you to run into someone alone the way that is pursuing Him also. & that will be beautiful!! I'm just not allowing myself to worry about tomorrow or a few months down the road. I only live for today!! I live for Him today, love the people of Yesterday & sing His songs forever!

years have passed me by...

...........anxiety of adult hood filled my mind, memories of my childhood flooded my dreams, && passion for my future surrounded my spirit... that's what turning 20 felt like. It's scary to think about, ME, growing up...on my own.(independence) ahhh.... pinch me please!

Seems like yesterday, I was so into Barney & PowerRangers, now I'm into nothing but School & Work; Life of a college student. Things change so much & people never really notice until they really sit & take a walk down memory lane.

Well, my mother & I had a long talk the thursday before my birthday & both just shared our hearts to each other. I told her the things God had been birthing into my spirit && how afraid I was at the things I felt were fixing to make a great impact in this coming transition in my life. While sharing my heart, I mentioned 5 things that had really hit home with me....

1) relationship: following the will not the want.

2) salvation: expanding the Kingdom

3) pursuit: chasing Him

4) trust: Letting Go & Letting IT

5) desire: hunger in my eyes, Beauty in His

I could spend like a good week & write about each of these but that would probably bore you so I'm going to spare you that much. The biggest issue for me was #4, trust. I can not entirely express the reasons for that but let's just say that all areas in my life that involved relationship, whether that be church, family, friends, school, dating ect. ... I had been hurt terribly with the whole trust factor. Though many issued occurred within the past, I had not fully handed those over to God. SO, this weekend I decided that as I turned 20, I was going to focus on those areas in my life 1-5. && one of the last statements I told my mom was, " I don't want to worry about how, when, or where I die, I just want so bad to be an influence in people's life so that I leave this earth with GOd statisfied at His work thru me. I want to hear Him say, "Well done my child!"

If I've learned ONE thing since my now 20 years on this earth, it has been to Pursue Christ whole heartedly. I stand amazed at the WONDERfulAMAZinSUPERhugeBEAUTIful things He has Created within & for us!! It's an awesome feeling to know that NO matter how hurt I am by the things of this world that He will ALWAYS wrap His arms around me in His love!

So I've learned to LOVE & BE love! That's one of my many new motto's for my new 20 year old life =] To LOVE & Be Love... That it is the answer! Please, Love from the center of who you are. You can never go wrong if you do that.... God should not be put in a priority list. He should just be in the center of EVERYTHING you do! He doesn't wanna be first, He wants to be In it ALL! He just wants you to Love Him & adore Him & His creation. Just like any other relationship... He wants your intimate time. He would love for u to allow Him to eat breakfast with you or jam out to some music on your way to work. Even the little things, like smiling at Him to let Him know ur still madly in love with Him or take a big hold of His hand. He'd love it! He is not asking you to sacrafice big things or do hard things to make Him happy... He simply just wants You to Love on Him & his people!

you are for me

in the transition of not being in a ministry position, i have realized many things ( both good & bad). though i felt as if i was at a stand still && looking back at myself i believe i was, things have come to light to remind me the promises God has for me. My all time bible verse " delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of Your heart," constantly plays thru my mind every single day. BUT since the new year, I came to the understanding that though the scripture says " the desires of your heart," that does not mean YOUR desires. The way i see it now is that those desires should be what God desires for you Because once your delighted in the Lord, you are fully His: every thought, every action based on Him, so those desires that will be gven to you will be what HE wants for you. Gosh, that's just amazing to me. So with that it mind.... think about your heart's desires. Are they what you want or what the God inside of you Wants for your heart?

Listen to Kari Jobe's new song: " You are for me" it is a very powerful song && is my newest favorite. My Favorite line is : "i know that you have come now, even if to write upon my heart to remind me who you are."

the Nod of God

..interesting title huh?! well for the past week, I have been inspired to read Jentzen Franklin's book "Right People, Right Place, Right Plan." May I say, I am now on chapter 5 part II && it's a pretty remarkable book. && it takes a grand book to keep my attention! BUT there's a reason for this certain post. For the past 3 weeks, I have been praying for certain areas of my life & those around me. This week was targeted on me & my future. So as I jumped into the book, several statements really stuck out to me.
Beginning with 1 Corinthians 14:33 "God is not the author of confusion." Yeah this hit me in the face! Many times I have been reminded of this by a close friend && every time he mentioned it, it was in a time of deep confusion & frustration for me. He had no idea what I was going thru but God knew exactly what I needed to be reminded time & time again. So seeing this on the first page about blew my mind.
As i read on, I came across Peter 3:4 "Rather it be in the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." Your success depends not on being led by your mind, emotions or flesh but by your spirit. You will get no where in life depending on self but by inner self ( spirit).
If you dont have rest in your spirit, don't make a decision rather to do it or not. A lack of divine rest in your spirit is usually God's way of saying NO! Usually there is a time of divine misery before there is a divine change!
The thing that has stuck out most to me was this, " If you persist without the nod of God, He may let you have it___Literally!" It's frightening to think that there could be a time when we keep on stubbornly persisting about something that does not have the approval from God. && then When He finally just hands it to you, it leads down a painful road. The problem is, we don't spend enough time with God to realize when He speaks. Then we race ahead instead of being led. The flesh thrives on noise & the spirit thrives on stillness. (Psalm 46:10) we must have that silent time... solitude!
I know that this post has been very random but it's just things that have impacted my heart. Things "I" must work on in order to gain discernment && know when it's GOD speaking to me.
Ending statement : " If it's God's will, then it's God's bill. Where He guides, He also Provides!

love kc

an amazing feeling

For quite some time, i've had my future planned.. now when i say that, i do not mean family details, housing, things of that sort but i mean my education, just life in general. I've known for a long time that children have my heart. Gosh... to be a kid again! They allow me to step outside myself && see the way they see.... innocence & imagination! So, growing up as a children's pastor's daughter for over 7 years, I've gotten to have a great connection with children. BUt anyways .. enough of the jabberish, I've always known I wanted to work with children as my profession!! && now ... almost 20 years of age, & about to graduate from a two year college... my dream & desire is taking shape!! I'm starting to get the jidders thinking that only 3 more years && this DREAM i've had all my life will be my LIFE! ( no longer just a kid dream) I hope to bring a new outlook into Speech Pathology. God has placed a great desire to minister to children && I see this as my way of doing it!

Many people think you must be in a church to minister & have a place of ministry... WRONG! We must learn that ministry is a part of living. It should be an everyday activity, whereEVER you are. I've learned this just this year. With my parents taking some time away from children's minister && myself taking time away from Youth ministry, I've noticed how OUTREACH is the new way of ministering. SO that's what I want to do with my joB. As a speech pathologist, everyday I plan to go into work knowing it' s a ministry. I will show my patients ....faith, hope & love!!! ( God's love thru Me)

OHh what an amazing feeling to know God has a perfect plan for everyone! Even to kids who have never heard a sound or been able to speak, what an amazing feeling for myself to take a look outside myself && imagine what it's like in their shoes! They see life in a different perspective && that's what WE must do as christians! See things in other's eyes && realize we can not reach everyone as they walk into our church but we must Reach others outside our church && bring them into our church or really just bring them closer to the KINGDOM! God's a GREAT God && thru my practice, I hope to reach others!! With Christ on my side... I WILL further His Kingdom!!

This maybe a little up & down && alot of bad grammar etc. But hopefully you will see what i see. =] Love, Kc