Psalm 119

it's 3:00 in the morning & i'm wide awake in the Word. For the past couple of weeks, God has really pushed me into His Word. I find myself in it & late hours of the night, bright & early in the morning & even during school/work. of course, i love it! it feels great to hear from God. So, one thing that has really bothered me the past month was a statement made about my worship. Someone said that I hadn't been "worshipping" & stuff of that sort. Well that really stirred my spirit & I started to meditate on the word worship. 1st of all..my worhsip has changed over the years. I went thru a stage of what i called "battle-ready worship" because i was fighting for my family & fighting for my future. it took place when i moved here & went thru out my senior year into my freshmen year of college. some of you may not like the fact that i have named a part of worship that took place in my life && i'm sorry but i see no harm & have actually ministered to people thru it. --well now @ 20, i've noticed i am in a "peaceful worship" stage. sometimes i just feel like standing in God's presence smiling at Him. It's the best feeling to feel God's peace just flow all over you & i feel like that's where i am at right now in my life. I feel like it's a mature process for me to just "silently wait" on the Lord. && with that said, Sunday morning during service a lady came up to me & said the lord wanted to tell me that waiting on Him & seeking Him like i had been doing--He had greater plans for me & I would start to see them. talking about a peace..wow. all i could do was smile as tears flooded my face. For sooooo long, i have been so worried about what my future was going to hold after "Northeast." It truly scared me to death to not know what, where, & how i was going to do about school. Yeah, it was easy to talk about how much i wanted to go here & what i wanted my major to be & what the heart of Jesus inside of me wanted to do....but i had no idea how that would ever happen. When you know God & His calling for you & your life, it's tough knowing your not doing everything in ur power to further His kingdom & prove HIs love & fulfill ur calling. it literally made me sick knowing i was not doing my calling --ministry. God has really picked up my heart though & made me realize that there's a time & place for everything, maybe i can't be a worship leader "right now" & maybe i can't be a youth pastor "right now" & maybe i can't clown "right now" BUt i CAN witness...right now & i CAN show His love....right now... & i can grow closer to Him than ever...right now & i can focus on school...right now. I know without a doubt that this is a HUGE growing transitional part of my life! These situations & such i'm going thru are going to make me a stronger person in Him, & our relationship is going to be UNSTOPPABLE! I'm tired of feeling like i'm being held back. No offense to my past relationships but i felt held back. Something was there in every one that just didn't allow the God inside of me to fully Shine thru. I'm not saying they were bad relationships, cause they weren't, but just something wasn't fully AHHHH like bammm Jesus =] &&& so now i'm pumping up the Jesus inside of me & then He'll pump up the right guy for me && there will be so much of Jesus that he shines thru us both. So i know ur wondering why i called this blog..."Pslam 119" well this chapter really hit me hard. several verses stuck to me & so i want to share them with you. it really speaks my journey ..Right now =] wow ..i like using right now lol. So starting with the first few verses it says (btw, i'm reading out of the message.)

1) You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow His directions, doing your best to find Him.-----wow, made me feel incredible b/c i am doing the best i can to seek his face. Just like the lady spoke to me.

9)How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word.
10) i'm single-minded in pursuit of you; don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.---- my mind is focused on nothing more than God && His wordd.

30)I choose the road to somewhere, i post your road signs at every curve & corner.
31)I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don't let me down!
32) I'll run the course you lat out for me if you'll just show me how. ---this is my daily prayer. I've meditated on this mind set. God just show me what you want & i'll do it!

41) Let your love God shape my life.

57)Becase you have satisfied me, God, I promise to do everything you say. ---I get my only satisfaction from God & His love. && i will do Everything to show gratitude. No man alone can satisfy me nor love me without the heart of God himself.

73)with your very own hands you formed me; now breathe your wisdom over me so i can understand you.
74)when they see me waiting, expecting your Word, those who fear you will take heart & be glad.
75) I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right.
76) oh, love me, right now (there's my word) & hold me tight; just the way you promised. ---these were my favorite. I desire everyday to be "like God" in making decisions & such. I want His powerful wisdom. & to do so, I wait on Him && looking now, I see that everything He's thrown at me has made me this awesome woman of God. Like i can't begin to explain how amazing it feels to know 4 years ago when i decided to end it with tyler & not cheer that i would be here in fyffe alabama at northeast. But it taught me just as the verse says. && now i just want to be loved on & held in HIs arms. Just like he promised me 4 years ago. He promised to never leave my side & i can honestly say, He never has && gosh what an amazing feeling. I have no regrets in leaving in the middle of my senior year, or not cheering, having relationships that didn't last forever, or fyffe..none of it because you know why....it made me this mighty woman of God that I am. I have really thought a lot about myself in this time of singleness, just me & the heart of God. I've learned that I do deserve an amazing man of God who is chasing after His heart just like i am. I deserve to be happy with my life "right now!" I'm not trying to bragg but guys, i am truly amazing! seriously i am because God lives in my heart & owns every single piece of it! He makes me the person I am!! it's because of Him that I've learned to love everyone & to see, hear, & talk with "HIS" eyes, ears, & mouth. God is mighty & terrific & i strive everyday to show just a little bit of HOw amazing he really is because if i can just demonstrate a little bit of His greatness...that will PRove a LOAD of His love!!

I will be finishing up Psalm 119 & the verses God has spoken to me thru soon. I want to really look into so until then...Love & be Loved!! God is Love! I love you all!