love...
to love....
to know love....
to know the love....
to know the love of.....
to know the love of Christ....
i don't even know where to begin. it's been a month & 1/2 since the break-up && i can honestly say, it's been one of the most transforming experiences ever! Everyday i wake up knowing a different part of myself. it's like i've been lost into so many things that now that i'm stripped away of the old...my true self is beginning to shine thru. && it's freckn amazing! i can't get enough of the wordd or pray enough. it's a constant now & has been since the day of the break-up. yeah, i know some people do good for a little bit then fade back to the old self but this time is different for me. My heart is truly pursuing Christ to the full extent. i have met & witnessed to more people in this month & 1/2 than my whole entire life as a christian. Glory to God!!! & NO, i am not in a relationship & don't expect to be anytime soon. I promised myself & God that I would not settle nor allow myself to fall until i had fallen directly on my face before Him. Guys, just a hint & advice..no relationship will work to it's full potential until you are fully & totally God's. Not just some of you but ALL! Don't expect to find God thru someone in a relationship. Why would you even wanna do that when you can find Him face to face for yourself!! I thank God for giving me wisdom & knowledge ...& for my new vision of what a relationship is. I recently read "the shack" & let me tell you, it blew my mind. WOW, i now see my relationship with God in brighter sense. I am honestly happy with being single. If it's only me & GOd for the rest of my life, I'm completely happy with that! there's too much going on in my life & that i know i want to see happen before i settle into a relationship but i dont want a relationship... I want a lifetime"ship"....i am so tired of the 1 year relationships that do nothing but take another piece of your heart & it's gone forever. My heart is now broken in God's hands for Him to shape into whatever He pleases. I just wish every single & taken person could realize what God has opened my eyes to. IF you chase after God's heart, He will allow you to run into someone alone the way that is pursuing Him also. & that will be beautiful!! I'm just not allowing myself to worry about tomorrow or a few months down the road. I only live for today!! I live for Him today, love the people of Yesterday & sing His songs forever!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
years have passed me by...
...........anxiety of adult hood filled my mind, memories of my childhood flooded my dreams, && passion for my future surrounded my spirit... that's what turning 20 felt like. It's scary to think about, ME, growing up...on my own.(independence) ahhh.... pinch me please!
Seems like yesterday, I was so into Barney & PowerRangers, now I'm into nothing but School & Work; Life of a college student. Things change so much & people never really notice until they really sit & take a walk down memory lane.
Well, my mother & I had a long talk the thursday before my birthday & both just shared our hearts to each other. I told her the things God had been birthing into my spirit && how afraid I was at the things I felt were fixing to make a great impact in this coming transition in my life. While sharing my heart, I mentioned 5 things that had really hit home with me....
1) relationship: following the will not the want.
2) salvation: expanding the Kingdom
3) pursuit: chasing Him
4) trust: Letting Go & Letting IT
5) desire: hunger in my eyes, Beauty in His
I could spend like a good week & write about each of these but that would probably bore you so I'm going to spare you that much. The biggest issue for me was #4, trust. I can not entirely express the reasons for that but let's just say that all areas in my life that involved relationship, whether that be church, family, friends, school, dating ect. ... I had been hurt terribly with the whole trust factor. Though many issued occurred within the past, I had not fully handed those over to God. SO, this weekend I decided that as I turned 20, I was going to focus on those areas in my life 1-5. && one of the last statements I told my mom was, " I don't want to worry about how, when, or where I die, I just want so bad to be an influence in people's life so that I leave this earth with GOd statisfied at His work thru me. I want to hear Him say, "Well done my child!"
If I've learned ONE thing since my now 20 years on this earth, it has been to Pursue Christ whole heartedly. I stand amazed at the WONDERfulAMAZinSUPERhugeBEAUTIful things He has Created within & for us!! It's an awesome feeling to know that NO matter how hurt I am by the things of this world that He will ALWAYS wrap His arms around me in His love!
So I've learned to LOVE & BE love! That's one of my many new motto's for my new 20 year old life =] To LOVE & Be Love... That it is the answer! Please, Love from the center of who you are. You can never go wrong if you do that.... God should not be put in a priority list. He should just be in the center of EVERYTHING you do! He doesn't wanna be first, He wants to be In it ALL! He just wants you to Love Him & adore Him & His creation. Just like any other relationship... He wants your intimate time. He would love for u to allow Him to eat breakfast with you or jam out to some music on your way to work. Even the little things, like smiling at Him to let Him know ur still madly in love with Him or take a big hold of His hand. He'd love it! He is not asking you to sacrafice big things or do hard things to make Him happy... He simply just wants You to Love on Him & his people!
Seems like yesterday, I was so into Barney & PowerRangers, now I'm into nothing but School & Work; Life of a college student. Things change so much & people never really notice until they really sit & take a walk down memory lane.
Well, my mother & I had a long talk the thursday before my birthday & both just shared our hearts to each other. I told her the things God had been birthing into my spirit && how afraid I was at the things I felt were fixing to make a great impact in this coming transition in my life. While sharing my heart, I mentioned 5 things that had really hit home with me....
1) relationship: following the will not the want.
2) salvation: expanding the Kingdom
3) pursuit: chasing Him
4) trust: Letting Go & Letting IT
5) desire: hunger in my eyes, Beauty in His
I could spend like a good week & write about each of these but that would probably bore you so I'm going to spare you that much. The biggest issue for me was #4, trust. I can not entirely express the reasons for that but let's just say that all areas in my life that involved relationship, whether that be church, family, friends, school, dating ect. ... I had been hurt terribly with the whole trust factor. Though many issued occurred within the past, I had not fully handed those over to God. SO, this weekend I decided that as I turned 20, I was going to focus on those areas in my life 1-5. && one of the last statements I told my mom was, " I don't want to worry about how, when, or where I die, I just want so bad to be an influence in people's life so that I leave this earth with GOd statisfied at His work thru me. I want to hear Him say, "Well done my child!"
If I've learned ONE thing since my now 20 years on this earth, it has been to Pursue Christ whole heartedly. I stand amazed at the WONDERfulAMAZinSUPERhugeBEAUTIful things He has Created within & for us!! It's an awesome feeling to know that NO matter how hurt I am by the things of this world that He will ALWAYS wrap His arms around me in His love!
So I've learned to LOVE & BE love! That's one of my many new motto's for my new 20 year old life =] To LOVE & Be Love... That it is the answer! Please, Love from the center of who you are. You can never go wrong if you do that.... God should not be put in a priority list. He should just be in the center of EVERYTHING you do! He doesn't wanna be first, He wants to be In it ALL! He just wants you to Love Him & adore Him & His creation. Just like any other relationship... He wants your intimate time. He would love for u to allow Him to eat breakfast with you or jam out to some music on your way to work. Even the little things, like smiling at Him to let Him know ur still madly in love with Him or take a big hold of His hand. He'd love it! He is not asking you to sacrafice big things or do hard things to make Him happy... He simply just wants You to Love on Him & his people!
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