Junior Year : 3 years coming....

School is in session, AGAIN!!! && boy have my plans changed. For the most part they have changed in a very positive way but then again they seem discouraging at the same time. Most of you that know me or have met me in the past 4 or 5 years know that my major plan for college was Speech Pathology & that i was planning to attend Alabama A&M starting this Fall*2009.

After graduation from NACC in May*2009, those plans were still in progress. Several visits to A&M seemed almost impossible but i thought deep down that if it was God's plan, then all of the visits would fall into place and i would find everything out that i would need to. Finally, the day of registration, my plans seemed to fall & crash down into a thick huge pile all around me!! WHY!!? I find out that my major was going to take 5 more years after already having 2 years of college && other information that did not help matters. I knew at that point, God did not allow this to work out for a reason. A reason i was not sure of but you just know when God wants something to happen & when He doesn't.

So after a few weeks of praying, I felt the pull to go back to northeast. After meeting several of my advisors from northeast & my sponsors thru scholarships, I decided that my best choice would be to attend northeast until i knew what God wanted me to do. With that, I registered for northeast knowing either i would go into Nursing or Special education. Though nursing sounded the best to me, I ended up choosing Special Education.

Helping others has always been a passion of mine. No matter how big or small the situation, i have always went into the situtaion knowing that GOd was on my side no matter what. I went into situations regarding others the same way. I knew that with God on my side, I could help others accomplish their dreams! Well dreams start with a good education & good loving. That is what i strive to show my students (kids) everyday...the love from me which comes from none other than Jesus Christ Himself && a great education. Thru educating younger kids, K-2, I will be able to further my dream that i've had as a little girl...to help those that no one else will reach out too; those that need that extra love & patience.

God has prepared me for this position ever since i was a little blonde long-haired big green eyed girl with only hopes & dreams of a bright future. I knew nothing about heart ache or pain except from a bruised knee or scraped elbow from which i had gotten from playing to rough with my little brother. Now as a short blonde haired ( blonde that seems to be getting darker by day) one green one brown eyed young lady with hope from her Savior that sometimes is hard to find & dreams of peace & love that she can show those around her, the heart aches i've found, have only led me closer & more passionate to Christ. These hurts will allow me to cope with those hurting around me. Those that might one day be sitting in front of me as a little child with big hopes & dreams but no heart aches or then those that might be sitting in the very back of the classroom whom as a little child, has already experince pain that which i have experienced as an adult. I only pray now that God gives me the correct word to speak into those little lives that are so very precious to Him. Lives that will one day grow up just like me & will look back at their dreams and be able to say, " I have lived my dreams!"

It will be such an amazing feeling to know, my God cared so much about my dreams that He allowed me to help build someone elses!! I can not wait to teach my first lesson, give my first speech, laugh at my first class clown, & smile my first bigg smile knowing God knew a long time ago that a long blonde haired, big green eyed little girl would be sitting in front of special needs children sharing her heart with them & impacting their dreams. =))

With Love & Peace from God, Kc

potatoes with warts & latex gloves...that's what my summer was made of.

what a summer it has been spending 4 whole weeks in a potato shed or should i say "tater" shed...gosh that word. i can not stand to hear it! i must say though, i made a little over 1200 $$ in those 4 weeks which help pay for my braces, car repairs, & vacation. ohh && school books! Never thought sorting potatoes would bless me but it did..praise God! I could see GOD kind of laughing at me while i was saying little prays thru the day while grading potatoes....."God, please don't let me catch these nasty warts from these ""TATERS"!" "God, I love you but why so many potatoes!" "God, i know you created everything in Your image but what was you thinking when you created these!!" =) yeah i know your probably thinking i should be ashamed for praying those things but the way i see it...i was just talking to God & trying to get Him to explain His reason behind potatoes!

Spending 6 days a week & working 8-10 hours a day grading potatoes, isn't as fun as it sounds. I know i just burst someone's bubble but i aint gonna lie...it's pretty much boring! Just a fun fact, week 2 of potatoes around about 2:00 pm, i fell asleep WITH my eyes OPEN while working on the grader!!! Just try to picture that....it's funny looking back now but at the moment, i freaked out!! I started thinking about all the bad things that could have happened. My latex gloves stuck between the grader....losing a hand & then the baggers checking potatoes & finding a hand!! or letting all those wart-ty potatoes thru that should have been trashed & some little lady open her potato bag & find them & think she'll catch some type of STD from them!! i mean, it's risky busy, grading potatoes! Potato graders are to thank for potato chips & tots!!!
i've never fell asleep with my eyes open before btw!

So, with my 1st pay check i bought a mp3 player!! This would help me stay awake so i didn't have to worry about any old ladies or body parts && it would keep my mind concentrated on music instead of how many truck loads we had left. Smart thinking i might add & a very smart buy! One of the smartest i've made!!! Though i did not get every song i wanted on it, it had enough music that i played everything 3x & it pretty much kept me occupied! This is where God comes back into the picture.

A precher once said that everybody should set a goal for themselves to take 1 full day & listen to nothing but praise & worship music. Which meant from the time you got up til the time you went to bed. Every sound needed to be Godly & pure & musical. This would allow the person to realize just how much more peaceful the day is & how much more the distractions flee. I mean, just think about it. I know everyday i hear things i should. I let sounds around me distract my thoughts && i let those thoughts distract my day & my time with God. So, one day during work, i thought...i'm going to listen to nothing but worship ALL DAY! from the time i got up, til the time i went to bed!! Now I'm not perfect so there were times when i had to take the earphones out because i was on the job & had a position that had to pay close attention to any mess ups & announce them to the other graders.

Anyways, that morning started off normal. The music seemed to help keep me awake but that was about all. Nothing else was happening...spiritually. All the music was doing was playing, i wasn't allowing my spiritually ears to listen & let it speak so i said a small prayer & begin to soak up some worhsip. I begin to catch myself dancing....swaying from side to side like those black gospel choirs do. How they snap, clap, nod, stomp & shake...that was me! In my pj's practically...with blue latex gloves on, sorting potatoes. (another funny image) I noticed people pointing fingers & such & to tell you the truth, I was wondering what was going on. I didn't know if something was wrong with the potatoes or what but not for once did i think it was because of me.

As i continued to drown out the world & just listen to the messages spoken thru music, i felt tears flow down my cheeks. God began speaking thru me in His heavenly language & it felt amazing! I began praying over the potatoes...no lie! That day had been rough & the potatoes weren't passing so we were losing loads of money & not gaining any orders. As i began praying for the potatoes, God started just talking to me.

See, i had really been struggling with the fact that I hadn't been hearing from God. Yes, I had been spoken to thru preachers & Pastors but not thru my own self. & that bothered me. I've always been one to sit alone in my room & just talk to God but lately He just didn't seem to be talking back. BUT that day He spoke & it was some of the Sweetest words i've ever heard.
The song was playing "always" by Hillsong United & it says "All You are is all i want, ALWAYS, draw me close, In Your Arms, Oh, GOD, i want to be with You!" well i was saying as a prayer to Him when He spoke & said listen to those words from Jesus' point of view. & let me tell you...i felt that Gospel gangsta rise up in me. If there would have been some pew's in that shed, I would have ran them!!!! I began to realize that sometimes we get to wrapped up in us wanting HIM to hold us & love us & how bad we want to be with him but what He wants us to realize is HE wants the same. JESUS wants us to love on him & be with us ALWAYS. & that's why i hadn't heard anything. i was so caught up in the noise of myself that i couldn't hear Him whispering ,"ALL YOU ARE, IS ALL I WANT, ALWAYS!!"

GOD wants ALL OF US just like we want more of Him! & sometimes we've gotta shut up & let Him talk to us. He wants to be with us just as bad as we want to be with Him!! Although it took me grading potatoes to hear from God, i'm glad He did!! It was the right moment & time. I must admit, that whole day of nothing but worship going into my ears, was one of the best days i've had! It allowed me to meditate on Him but always it allowed the noise of myself to drown out so i only heard what He was trying to speak. So i challenge you, take a day & just let the noise be worship! You'd be surprised at what you hear!! Most of our lives are busy & loud & we have family that fuss & friends that fight but if you can't hear that noise, If your thoughts can't since that distraction....then it's able to focus on what it does hear....worship!!

Peace & Love, Kc

&& you think your not pretty?!

My summer has mainly consisted of church activities which for me...is amazing!! This is the 1st summer i have had in a long time that i got to actually "fully" dedicate to my church & my God. It's always been hard for me to just let go & let God deal with me during the summer...this meaning, that if He wanted me to go speak at this church or help with this activity, i could do it! I am a very busy person & i get involved with a whole lot of different things during the summer. So anyways, this summer i got to do a lot more stuff within the church & Jesus! =) My activities included:

1)a little over 2 weeks @ COG(church of my God) youth camps.

2)4 weeks of potato shed: i know you are thinking, "what does this have to do with God?" well you'll see! =)

3)8 days of gulf shores

4)church involvement

okay. there's my summer compiled into 4. instead of writing a whole blog on all 4, i am going to do a blog for each cause there's a lot to write about. Here goes #1........COG Youth Camp!

Every since i was 9, I have been very fortunate enough to attend Church of God Youth Camp. Over the 11 years ( cause i'm 20 now) , i have only missed 1 year. Church Camp has had one of the biggest impacts on my life!! Just to give you a little insight.... @ age 11 i was filled with the holy spirit. This happened @ the 11-12 yr old youth camp. I remember the night so well!! my counselor had to carry me to the cabin because i was so heavy in the spirit, i was unable to walk! I remember laying on my bed in the cabin just speaking in His heavenly language. =) such a great experience & just a beginning for me! @ Senior week of camp- summer after my junior year, God spoke to me about a relationship i was in & let me know that in order for me to carry out the plans He had for me, I had to let go of that relationship. So that I did. 2 weeks later, I met a guy at camp while working on staff. By meeting this guy & dating him, My dad got to know his pastor & was offered a job at his church. From that & accepting the church, i was pulled out of my senior year. Yeah.... God knew this was all going to happen & it all started with me listening to Him. So i moved in the middle of my senior year. This is really a long story & i wish i could fill you in but this isn't what i want to blog on this exact blog. I just need to allow you to see the importance camp has had on me. Three summers ago at camp, a minister pulled me aside and spoke to me about a word God had for me. He said that God was going to use me to minister to girls. These girls were going to be a particular area of girls that only i could minister too. HE said that my past would allow me to know the information & words needed to speak to these girls so that i could win them to Christ. SO NOW MY BLOG BEGINS!

This year @ church....that WORD from God came into play. Yes! Three years later, the ministry to some girls came into action.

The 2nd week of camp i worked as a counselor for 13-14 yr. old girls. This has always been my favorite week! But just to be honest, this was my hardest week ever this year!

My cabin consisted of 10 girls. All whom i was responsible for the whole week. This meant, i made sure they bathed, ate, brush their teeith, ect. you get the picture. Well, my cabin has always been easy & i've always known almost every one of the girls in my cabin. This year though was different & i knew the week before something was going to take place.

For several weeks before, God had really been dealing with me. I just prayed & allowed Him to prepare me mentally & spiritually for what ever was headed my way. Well when this particular week took place, i begin to realize exactly what i was instore for. Out of 10 girls, i had 4 that i knew. The rest were girls i had never even laid eyes on. 1 girl had a mental disability which was brought to my attention on day 1 but i begin to realize some other things. One of my girls had some stress situations which had caused her to lose all of her hair therefore causing her to wear a wig. As the week went on, almost 8 out of the 10 girls were on their period & hadn't brought anything to camp with them!!! are you kiddding me...no i am not kidding!!! With this situation alone...i was ready to pull my hair out!!! THese girls had no idea how to stay clean so you can only imagine!!

Then on day 3, i was approached by Sis. J about having another girl enter my cabin who was not fitting in well with the other cabin she had been placed in. So, although it had been a rough time in my cabin with the 9 girls i already had, for some reason i just agreed yes & she was moved into my cabin. Then, my heart was prepared for what i begin to find out.

This girl who had been moved into my cabin had some issues. She had not eaten all week & all she'd wear the whole week was jeans & sweat shirts. FYI, camp temps. are like atleast 90 so sweatshirts & jeans .....NO sir!! No way!! So, i later find out that there were problems at home. This little 13 year old girl had never been called pretty by anyone. She ate every meal given at home, in her room & if anyone came into her room, she no longer ate. She never ate at school because she didn't like eating in front of people. She said they stared at her. Going to the bathroom alone ...she couldn't do it. She had to have someone walk with her. I later came to find out some other issues that i will not post but let me just sum it up & say it all led to an eating disorder & LOW LOW self-esteem!!

So day 4 or my camp trip & day 2 with this girl....i took my hour of free time to just talk to God. I was physically & mentally broke down. I had no idea what to do with all that i had on my plate. I not only had this girl but 1 more girl with an eating disorder, one with stress issues, another who needed attention also & just ONE kaci!! umm yeah i was thinking, God why me?!! then out of no where, HE replyed....Three years of preparation...this is was I had instore for you when i spoke to you about ministering to Girls! THis is it. the time is NOW!!

I just cried. I laid on my bunk & cried my eyes out. Yeah i'm sure all the other counselors probably thought i was dying haha but i was just overwelmed by God & so ahhhhh!!! =) i just laid there in His presence.

That day God began giving me words to speak to this broken girl. Things from my past I had forgotten about that turned out....i had kinda been in this girls shoes. I knew how it felt to feel like you were good enough....i had let a guy make me feel that way at her exact age which had turned into a similar eating disorder. It was not as drastic as her's but it was similar. I never ate at school & if i did it was a pack of crackers & a water & once i got home, I didn 't eat much at all. So i opened up to this little girl & told her that there was only 1 MAN in this world who could make us feel like we ARE good enough. That We are MORE than Good enough. & that is GOD!! I explained to her that HE fashioned her & created her with His on sweat & tears. That He painted her eyes & colored her hair & knew every detail about her because He designed her!! As tears filled her eyes, I began to see some brokeness. I saw some walls crumble a little at a time.

She began to ask question about how i overcome & how i felt so beautiful. i was honest....very honest & explained that it took me to realize God was the only man who would NEVER let me down & NEVER make me feel ugly. I told her that no guy is perfect & no one is perfect. But that she needed to find her beauty in Christ first before she looked to be beautiful in a guy's eyes. I told her everyday i woke up & told myself i was beautiful because i was created by a beautiful designer who fashioned this whole gorgeous portrait which we call earth. I explained that there are times when i don't feel beautiful ...a lot of times...but i remember the God who loves me so much that He took all the hurt i had & have went thru & sculpted into some beautiful that i can look at now & what I see is His masterpiece!!!!

I finally got her to eat after 3 days of no food. I had to count to 3 for every bite she took but it didn't matter to me...i saw a growth & change in her! THat night she took a bath & we got different clothes on her....this meant no more sweatshirt!!! =) woohoo!!! Some ladies did her make up & fixed her hair...you could tell she felt like she really was pretty!

This young lady was a true inspiration to me. She made me realize that i was capable of carrying out what God had placed on my heart. i look back at that week & think how tough it was & how tired & homesick i got. BUt i remember the last night when that girl looked me in the eyes and said thank you!!!! WOW...brings me to tears even now. that thank you didn't mean..woohoo kaci you did it!! it meant woohoo God we did it!! She's Yours!!! She understands that she was created by YOU!!!

This girl has been in my thoughts everyday since. I find myself wondering about her & praying she's progressing. THough i found out she went back to wearing the sweatshirt, i still believe God embraced her at camp & she will find Him more & more everyday. & i know that somehow, the words i said to her or the actions i portrayed at camp will stay with her & in her heart & allow her to Let God Love on her!

I pray that God continues to use me in His work. I know from a very young age that He has placed a great deal of ministry in my heart & I hope to carry it out like He would have me too.

During the same week, they had a prayer line for youth pastors. Yeah i know I am not a youth pastor right now but i know God has designed that ministry for me to be a part of. So i waited to go in line but God pretty much kicked me in the tail to go up there so i did. & once i did...WOah! He kicked HIs presence up a notch!! THe speaker spoke 2 words other than "God told me to tell you to..." && i was out....he said" STOP DOUBTING" i felt God's arms just wrap me tight as he could hold....then he said about of other stuff about letting go of what other's have said & just do what i know to do. DOUBT has been my biggest enemy for a while. it's a weakness of mine. I allow satan & his little pack to get in my head & make me doubt myself. I have always doubted for as long as i remember. It's something i strive to conquer everyday & i do my best at beating it!!!

So laying in the floor....different situations began playing in my mind. God just began pouring His peace all over me. it was kinda like pouring caramel on ice cream. How it's so thick & as it touches the ice cream it begins to harden so you pour more & more because it doesn't seem like it's enough & then when your done, all the caramel is settled around the bowl & it's super thick & gets all over the place when you try to eat it! maybe that made sense lol but anyways i was the ice cream & God was the caramel...& He just settled around me with His thick presence & i just melted around Him in the warmth of it all!!!! I had not felt such compassion in a while!!!!

I've never been a mean person nor one who lashes out on people when they hurt me. I've just always bottled it up & then after a while it'd eat @ me so i'd go home & cry it out. I'm a people pleaser & like to just see everyone happy even if it means hurting myself. Well all the hurt i've held on to for the past couple of years all started boiling to the top that night. All the situations that had caused me doubt... or really people that had cause doubt into my life seemed to come to the top.

Although i let it out that night, there's still some memories of the hurt left. I know people say once you lay it at God's feet you should no longer think about it or let it hinder you...well that's easy to say & hard to do. But i'm doing my best to let it all go. & i must say, I think i'm doing a pretty good job at it =)

I just love God so very much!!! my camp experiences mean so much to me!!! i can not wait to let my kids experience it because i want to see Him move in their lives just like He has mine. God's a great dude & people don't give HIm enough credit. They talk all that talk about I can't believe my hips are this big or i wish i was taller or i wish i weighed less...well if they talked more about God being bigger & how small they are in this world because of the Big God & how they weigh less because He weighs more in their life....all that low self esteem would become high praise!!!

Hopefully this made sense in all my jabberish talk. I try to type as fast as my mind works but it's hard. & i could write for days but then you'd get bored. =) so God bless & remember He loves to know You think His creation is beautiful.....which is YOU!!! You are beautiful because a Beautiful Painter designed you!!!